Clients From Hell

I work as a social media specialist (among other things), and like every job you can do from home, that also gives people the impression that ‘it’s not like you’re doing anything’, or ‘it’s just you browsing Facebook’, it can have minor setbacks.

You'd be surprised how many people actually don't understand this.
You’d be surprised how many people actually don’t understand this.

So let’s see. Freelancers get the most shit from people, because:

It’s not like you’re going to work, or something. (Exactly, however, while you stop working at five o’clock, I almost never do.)

It’s just writing, you like doing that. (And yours is just accounting, didn’t you like doing that?)

That’s not a job. (Oh, but it is, ask the constant e-mail availability, late nights and the neurosis because of clients who share your opinion.)

It doesn’t exist. (Oh, but it does.)

So, what, you just post stuff on social media? (Yes, even when I hate social media.)

So, what, you just write stuff? (I do, and people do, and that’s what you read on the internet.)

So, what, you just translate? That must be so easy for you, you know the language! (Sigh.)

Do you even get paid? (Yes, and yes I will charge you.)

Why would anyone pay for that? (Why would anyone pay for a mechanic? Because they can’t do it themselves.)

Don’t get me wrong, but you’ve never worked a day in your life. (Are we counting nights?)

Oh, you’re lucky.

The last thing, we are, yes. Because we chose to not to let our time be planned by anyone other than ourselves.

And then, there are your clients. You know, the ones who need your services. Also, the ones who constantly feel invited to study your lifestyle, count your projects and then decide on whether you actually need to be paid for the work you do for them. And even though they cannot do it, it’s just computers/typing/drawing/whatever to them. These people simply forget that this is what you do for living, and what you pay for food, phone bills, electricity and cat food from.

You will find multiple examples of these spawns of Satan on this website. And if you suddenly feel the need to add your own story there, I feel sorry for you. I know the feeling.

Nevertheless. The fact still remains that this is my choice and I love what I do. I write books, blog posts and copy. And thank God for clients who appreciate that and like what I do. These other ones, well, they will serve as tokens of ‘GET THE HELL AWAY FROM THAT’.

Useful tips on how to avoid clients from hell:

Avoid ‘visionaries’, and people who constantly gush about their world-changing ideas. It’s okay to gush over great ideas, but over actual ideas, not about the notion of ideas in general.

People who offer to pay you in ideas. It’s okay to tell these people to fuck off.

People who constantly talk about how incredibly successful their business and brand is. If it was, they wouldn’t be talking about it so much.

People who say the words ‘brand’, ‘brand image’ and ‘we’re gonna change the world’. The world is fine as it is, unless you’re a doctor, a scientist, or a charity. And some other exceptions. You can’t change it with your local flyer company.

People who use the phrase ‘our mission is to…’ and also have it on their website. No one cares.

Of course, there are exceptions to all of this too. But my experience tells me to search for people who work instead of talk about working, who give clear instructions and have rational demands. They know what they want, they appreciate the work you’re doing for them and they pay you for it.

It’s that simple to be a client from heaven.

What’s your story?


Here’s my Facebook.

And my cynical book.


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