The app with the Birkin bag: So, I played Kim Kardashian Hollywood

I’ll admit, I can be a sucker for pointless games, but in my defense, I really have no idea how pointless they can get when I get started. This one was fun  and engaging enough (until some point) to review, so here.

Kim's pretty.
Kim’s pretty.

Recently, after ignoring the first church bells for Kim Kardashian Hollywood, I really had nowhere else to go when I realized that every time I spent time with my friends, they were either working tirelessly on their way to the top of the celebrity list, or talking about just how close they were to reaching the number one spot on the A-list.

So, a visit to the App Store and a download was in order. I must admit, it’s pretty addictive when you start. Immediately, you’re thrown in the Hollywood glam of folding shirts in a store that’s NOT Dash, but, as Hollywood goes (and every store clerk’s dream) Kim Kardashian herself has a fashion emergency that only you can solve, and that’s actually your visa for fancy photo shoots, expensive clothing and fascination by coveted, but dreadfully ugly photographers.

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A time comes (pretty soon), when you need to go on a date, so you can have some company, and also, to build up your stardom, of course (the more famous the guy, the better). However, since at the beginning you can only afford those flea-infested, only-nine-hundred-dollar shirts and pathetic $800 shoes, of course your date will insult you and tell you that ‘your clothes are like bad poetry” (?!). If your device is jailbroken though, and you can afford the good stuff, they kind of let a compliment loose. And did I mention that you pay for food, wine and fancy desserts for a really, really skinny and ugly boy? 😀

My boyfriend was okay, but there were some extreme Uncle Creepies in there, especially those with seductive eyes and gray ponytail *shiver*
My boyfriend was okay, but there were some extreme Uncle Creepies in there, especially those with seductive eyes and gray ponytail *shiver*

One thing you can learn from the game is that, reality stars (and other stars that don’t have the conventional skills needed for a Hollywood career) actually do work their ass off. The game has no ‘sleeping time’ like the Sims, for example, and if you want money and people to see you, you have to fly back and forth, pose for the camera to the point of exhaustion, be pretty all the time and still suffer the occasional Twitter bashing for no particular reason. Oh, and if you’re too tired for a date, that’s too bad. The same guy that had a mouthful of shit for the clothes you carefully chose with your blood-and-sweat money, he won’t take it, HOWEVER! If you give him a couple of Kim Kardashian silver K-stars, he might reconsider. He won’t like it, you clueless fashion catastrophe, you, but he’ll take it.

Nevertheless, a fun game, I’ll admit. Until you reach #1 on the A-list and everyone starts to like you. And…


You do everything you did throughout the whole process of playing. Gigs, shows, photo-shoots. Gigs, shows, photo-shoots. And again, gigs, shows, photo-shoots.

Annoyed already?
Annoyed already?

Sure, buy every available piece of property there is. My personal favorite was the Paris hotel suite. It gives you the option to furnish it with some abominations, but the view is good.

After some hard work, I was able to afford a more  fancy hair-dye and a hard to get hairstyle. Won't complain.
After some hard work, I was able to afford a more fancy hair-dye and a hard-to-get hairstyle. Won’t complain.

Yes, the game is a huge success, congratulations to all people involved. I just can’t understand that some people have been entrusted to build a game that recently made Kim Kardashian enough money to buy a small country, and yet they can’t seem to find a way to develop it further and engage the users some more.

Because those same people that kept  talking about it and playing it while we were having coffee (including me) have now all deleted it from their phones. 

I did buy some AWESOME clothes, though! 

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Who else played it?


So, I wrote a book.

1 thought on “The app with the Birkin bag: So, I played Kim Kardashian Hollywood”


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